My first week finished

I've completed the first week of my new exercise programme. All my muscles are heavy. But the pain in my back and knee which troubled me in the morning, has gone. Despite a stressful few days I'm feeling a little more grounded. I haven't done my morning set of exercises yet but I know I will. I'm still not made the changes to my eating. But I'm pleased with my start.

I haven't lost any pounds on the scale BUT I have lost a massive 5 inches of my abdomen! 

Mood blasting exercises planned for today:

30 minute dog walk

5 sit ups

5 leg lifts

5 press ups

5 leg raise

10 adductor flies

10 squats

10 star jumps (which I hate)

2 sets in morning, 2 sets before bed.

Park Runs

My friend recommended parkruns as a way of getting fit. Parkrun are free, weekly, 5km timed runs around the world. They are open to everyone, free, and are safe and easy to take part in. I am so overweight and unfit that these are a big challenge for me. My knees hurt. My hips hurt. And I generally take over an hour to complete the course. But it does give me an enormous sense of achievement. Plus it's great to do something as a family.

My beautiful girls have expressed an interest in the park run so I bought a set of gloves and pads for us to mess around with at home. When I first did parkrun I was in agony for the rest of the day. Today I got home and had some fun with the kids I was so proud of myself.

Not to mention spending the afternoon walking around the shops! Moving, moving, moving...

My mood blasting exercises today;

One hour park run
10 forward punches

10 side punches

10 hooks
10 squats
10 star jumps

I did two sets when I woke up and before bed.

One hour park run! 

My food intake today:

Porridge with blueberries

KFC fries with gravy

A slice of carrot cake

Fish, rice and string beans

1/4 cup of chocolate raisins 

What I did differently:

Played physical games with the kids

Oversleeping

I overslept on Friday morning. It triggered a panic attack that lingered for most of the day. I rushed downstairs late to find my family washed, dressed and eating breakfast. No one had given me a call. So now I am in a negative pit of emotion. My thoughts go something like this:

- they have watched me battle with depression which is worse in the morning. It had taken eighteen months to train myself to always wake before eight. Did this mean nothing to them?

- they just don't want me around in the morning.

- this is a personal attack by my husband to sabotage my progress.

I hate myself when I row with my husband and kids. I feel guilty and horrible. 

The last seven years have been particularly difficult for my husband, but that's his story. The effect on me is that somewhere down the line I have started to expect him to hurt me. 

However, since I have now decided that I'm responsible for my own happiness and that I have had the 'why didn't you wake me?' I decided that having my own alarm was the way to go!

Blues blasting

One hour's exercise with PT! 

A bit of a strange food day:

Porridge and blueberries

A side of chips in a restaurant

A small piece of Easter egg begged of the children

Hotdog and peanut butter milkshake from Dean's Diner, no fries.

Today is the start of my new life

Today is the start of my new life. I haven’t waited for a Monday or a New Year. It is today.

Wednesday 23th of April.

I am fat. I am 42 years of age. I am currently studying an MA at Winchester University.  I feel particularly stressed and worried about an assignment.

I would say that my overwhelming desire right now is to be loved, held and nurtured. I want to feel ‘looked after.’

Over the past few years I have learnt a simple truth – I cannot make my husband happy, I cannot make my children happy. There is only one person’s thoughts and feelings that I can control. Mine.

This blog is going to be about making changes to my life. I am not going to go on another diet, even though I will be changing my eating habits. I am going to change the way I think, the way I feel, the way behave.

Today’s changes. I am worried about my assignment. I spent a few hours of careful editing today and I am visiting my tutor tomorrow.  I have invested in myself. A personal trainer came round and put me through my paces. I have dealt with some worrying phone calls and letters myself. My ankle is sore, I have applied first aid. I do not need to convince others of my pain, I can look after myself. 

So my first new day hasn't been filled with rainbows and happiness, but its early days. I was quite pleased that I managed to do all the exercises the personal trainer had planned for me quicker than she expect!